The Artifacts of Power

Chapter 1: The Opening Ceremony
‘I am afraid, dear Wazyback, that I will have to go quite soon.’ Said Larry the Worm, as he sat down together with Wazyback at their breakfast one morning.

‘Go! Where to?’

‘To Aquaris. My duties as king of the planet demand that I be there for the opening of a museum and their rather unique exhibit. Have you ever heard of the Artifacts of Power? Sure they may have a rather unoriginal name, but nonetheless they are said to live up to it.’ Larry then proceeded to show Wazyback a summary of the artifacts from Aquaris’ best and only newspaper, the ‘News Hunter.’

‘Why, of course I know of the artifacts. Of course, they used to go by a different name back in the day, but I saw their creation at the hands of an ancient species, one that has sadly died out now. It’s a shame really, I always did admire their work, and they were quite a quirky bunch.’

‘Well, apparently the museum will have a major announcement to make today, regarding these artefacts. It is imperative that I be there to see the event. Will my planet be lucky enough to be graced by your presence today, Wazyback?’

‘Sadly, no. Although we are friends, and I am sitting here drinking tea and eating crumpets with you, I do still have my own godly duties attend to. I could however, take you there now, should you wish.’

‘That would be quite good actually.’

Larry then closed his eyes, and when he opened them, found himself in his room the one on the third floor specifically. Larry giggled, he never truly got tired of the feeling of his stomach flipping that came with instantaneous teleportation. Larry took a look outside through his window. The weather for today looked like it was going to be perfect. Of course, it did help that Larry made the weather for today specifically like that. He then took a look down, and found the owner of the new museum, Cherry Bintoll, one of the few good and learned slogs that Larry had ever come across. With haste, Larry made his way downstairs and outside, greeting Cherry happily.

‘Hello Cherry, nice to see you on this fine day of mine.’

‘Yes, hello Larry, it’s good to see you as well. Now, whilst I am glad that you took me up on my offer to be at the museums opening ceremony, I must ask that you come with me right away, as we’re running behind schedule as is.’

‘Now, Cherry, you’re absolutely sure that the security there is going to be air tight. We can’t be having anything going wrong on such a day as this.’

‘Of course I’m sure, Larry. I personally hired the best species I could find for this kind of thing, the sun warriors. Plus, anything in the museum that could be used for evil means are too old to function now. Now please, Larry, can we make our way to the museum?’

‘Yes, yes, of course. Let me just grab my coat.’

‘Larry, I have never seen you wear a coat before. The most anyone has seen you in is the tuxedo that goes with your top hat. I doubt you even have a coat.’

‘Very good point Cherry. On that note, lead on.’ With that, Cherry and Larry made their way to the museum.

It took nearly 13 minutes to make it to the opening ceremony, but Larry and Cherry made it with just a thousandth of a second to spare. Larry opened up his hat satchel, and pulled out his one of a kind ‘opening ceremony’ hat. He placed it over his family hat, and walked up to the podium in front of the giant crowd. At least half of the planet must have been there. If it wasn’t for Larry’s security force of sun warriors, he would have been afraid that their could be a security risk. Now, it was time for Cherry to speak. He droned on for what must have been 25 minutes about how the knowledge of the universe and Aquaris were things to be preserved and nurtured. That’s really all that Larry found out before he zoned out and focused on the little butts in the distance. That one looks like a gnarlog, thought Larry. Finally came the good bit.

‘Now, for the thing that most likely everyone here has been waiting for, I shall tell you about the unique exhibit we shall have here, the exhibit of the Artefacts of Power. It is said that these artefacts were once symbols of royalty for a now extinct species. They were forged using the heat and energy created by compacted dying stars, and a metal more dense than any our scholars and scientists know of today. The gems which are found in most of the artefacts are even said to have been fuelled by the powers of some lesser gods, and a few with the power of Wazyback himself. Together, the artefacts would give the wearer the equivalent properties of some lesser gods, including the ability to not age. Next, the main part of this announcement. We have a scroll depicting many of the different artefacts, and I can proudly say without a doubt that we successfully collected one of the many artefacts of power, and we shall have it on display for all to view today. Sadly however, after many hours of careful analysis, we are able to confirm that the gems which once powered the artefact have run out of energy, and the artefact no longer functions as it was once intended to do.

Now then, Larry, if you would do the honours of cutting the ribbon to officially open the museum.’ With that, Larry removed the giant ceremony scissors located on top of his hat, and began to cut the ribbon. Ever so quickly, a sun warrior approached Larry and Cherry, and whispered.

‘Sirs, I am very sorry to have to inform you of this, but on a quick inspection of the artefacts exhibit, I found all of the sun warrior guards knocked unconscious, and the Armguards of Strength were missing.’

‘Cherry, I thought you said the security would be airtight here, yet now we’re hearing of a break in, and the museum hasn’t even opened yet!’ Larry yelled, but Cherry was merely sweat and shivered where he stood.

‘What! How is this possible! The sun warriors are meant to be the best that there are, and even though they did fall, the glass which surrounded the Armguards was meant to be indestructible. I paid for the best there was meant to be Wazyback’s sake.’ Shrieked Cherry, turning the colour for which he got his namesake.

‘Obviously you didn’t pay for the best, as you didn’t bother coming to me for the enchantment.’ Larry said, exasperated.

The sun warrior then escorted Larry and Cherry to the site of the crime, and they found that everything the warrior had described was true. Larry grabbed one of the unconscious guards, and woke him with a quick spell. Suddenly, the warrior jerked up straight, yelling and shaking his arms about. Soon, he realised where he was, and Larry began to question him. ‘What happened here, why were you all unconscious and why are the armguards gone?’

‘A.. a hooded figure came in here. I’m not really sure why, and it seemed quite unreasonable at the time, but I instantly felt some sort of hatred towards him. I started to say to him, “I don’t know why you’re here, but the museum is not open yet,” when he started to do a little chant under his breath. I went to go take him outside but suddenly my whole body began to feel weak and tired. I realised that it had to be the hooded guys doing so I went to attack him. All I managed to do, however, was pull down his hood.’

‘What was under the hood, what did they look like?’

‘I didn’t really get much of a good look at him before I passed out, but I think they were a wurm, and they were a sickly, yellow vomity colour.’

With this, Larry’s face twisted into one of horror, an unusual site to see on the pleasant wurm king’s face. Quietly, Larry said, ‘I know who it was. I know who did all of this. My brother, Bob The Basterd.’

Chapter 2: Bob’s Plan
‘Larry, surely you don’t mean Bob as in your brother, do you? Your twin brother, the one who was responsible for the death of your son, and was then abandoned by your family.’

‘Yes, Cherry, I mean my twin brother Bob. You don’t need to elaborate on everything else, I was there when all of those things happened.’

‘But why would he come here, just to steal the armguards of strength? They’re useless as they are except for maybe vanity purposes, and even then they’d need a good polishing.’

‘Perhaps Bob didn’t realise that the armguards had lost their powers, yet that doesn’t sound like the brother that I once knew. He’d never leave anything to chance. Cherry, is there anything else in this exhibit that could be worth stealing?’

‘Well, perhaps the scroll, but I don’t see how that has any relevance to our current problem.’

‘That doesn’t matter, just lead me to the scrolls.’

With that, Cherry began the walk to the scroll, located further into the exhibit. Larry had a very bad feeling about everything that could transpire. Finally, they made it to the scroll, but the feeling of dread in Larry’s stomach only deepened. The scroll had been stolen as well, with shattered glass coating the floor. Then Larry noticed something that didn’t sit well with him.

‘Cherry, where are the sun warriors that should be guarding the scroll?’

‘Sun warriors guarding something as simple as a piece of paper? I’m sorry Larry, but I’m not made of money. Most of the budget for this place was spent on the security that we already have and the indestructible glass… the glass which isn’t as indestructible as I had once hoped.’

‘Blast. I think Bob is up to something, and knowing him, it can’t be any good. I’ll need to counsel Wazyback, I suspect that he knows far more about these artefacts than anyone. If there is something that Bob knows about them, he’ll know it as well. And Cherry, I’m sorry to have to say this, but I need to have the museum closed for now.’

Larry found himself in his kitchen, grabbing ingredients from the pantry.

‘A pinch of cinnamon, two pounds of blue cheese, eight litres of rotting milk from a space cow and exactly sixty-three squiggle straws. There, I’ve finally, grabbed all the necessary ingredients,’ Larry muses to himself. With that, he quickly treks to the living room. Larry had already set up a chalk circle in the centre of the room, with five apricot scented candles surrounding it. In the centre of the circle was a rubiks cube, and onto this he threw the cinnamon, blue cheese and rotting milk. With this, Larry slowly began chanting.

‘Hoska paska, shimmi shammi, Wazy tracky, backy lacky!’ Suddenly, Larry heard a voice behind him.

‘Hello Larry, did you want me?’

‘Hello Wazyback, yes, I do have need of you. Bob broke into the museum today during the opening ceremony, and made off with the armguards of strength and a scroll detailing quite a few of the other artefacts. Would there be any reason as to why Bob would do all of this in broad daylight of all things?’

‘Larry, as you no doubt know, the gauntlets and all of the other artefacts of power were once powered by several different gods, myself included. Since that time, the energy that was stored in them has long since gone. It is possible that Bob has found another God who would be willing and able to restore at least a portion of the artefacts true powers.’

‘Of course, being a god, all of this can’t actually be confirmed by you, can it. All interfering with mere mortals and all, right?’

‘Well, technically no. I can however offer a point of view that would be provided by a mortal such as yourself. Not to say this is your point of view, that would be absolutely useless. I just can’t provide a view that only someone with omniscience would know.’

‘Of course, of course. You can’t go breaking the rules of gods. If you did, the other gods would soon follow suite, and that would just lead to complete and utter chaos.’

‘Really Larry, was this all that you needed me for? I would have thought you’d be able to come to the same conclusion as I did just now.’

‘Admittedly, no, that isn’t all that I called you here for. I needed to know, are there more of the artefacts of power still out there? Can Bob get his hands on them, and how dangerous could they be in the hands of Bob?’

‘As I'm sure you are aware, I am not able to answer any of these questions in large detail, however I can tell you the following. There are more than two artifacts still left, but less than seven. Bob could potentially get his hands on all of these artefacts, however it would be a dangerous and perilous task even for him. Finally, should he somehow obtain all of the artefacts, and get them powered, he would be far more deadly than anything you have ever faced before. There is, however, only one way for them to be powered, and that is with the energy of a god and they must give it willingly.’

‘I hope that you don’t mean to say that there would be some gods who would actually give him this power of their own accord, are there?’

‘Actually, there are a few that I know of who would gladly give him these powers, just to see how things would turn out. All of the dark gods, however, will eventually decide that they wish to see Bob wreaking havoc with the powers they could give him.’

‘Thank you, Wazyback, I feel that that is all I need to know for now. Hey, uh, Wazyback. I know that I’ve asked you this before, but would it be at all possible for you to get a cell phone or something? There are only so many apricot scented candles in the universe.’

‘A cell phone? Please, I’m a god, and as such, my call needs to be so much more extravagant.’ With that, Wazyback gave a wink and disappeared with a poof of smoke. Larry, shaking his head, turned around. On the table were five apricot scented candles.

Chapter 3:
Bob is flying through space, protected from the void with his magic. Finally, he spots his target, a temple floating through space. It was once heavily populated, filled with the acolytes of the god of chaos, but now it merely echoes with the voices of their dead souls. Bob may have been responsible for all that. He lands on the edge of the temple, but is held in place due to very powerful magic. A voice suddenly asks:

‘What is the natural order of the universe?’

‘There is no natural order, everything must be chaotic.’ Bob confidently says.

‘Correct.’ Bob suddenly feels the magic release him, and he is able to continue walking through the temple. He remembers the first time that he saw someone answer the question wrong on accident. The creature was held in place whilst the floor beneath him opened and flames erupted from it. Then, still living they were slowly compressed until very literally none of them remained. They were wiped from existence in that moment, and they were apparently kept alive through the entire thing by the magic which killed them. Bob smiles at the memory, he actually found it all quite amusing. Bob made his way through the maze of hallways, until he found the summoning room. Everything was already set as it needed to be, like it always would be. The perks of a magical temple were extraordinary. Bob walked to the summoning circle, made from the blood of twenty thousand albino centipedes. Surrounding it were seven and a half ‘new book smell’ scented candles. Finally, in the centre of the circle was a chicken statue thing made of rebar. On it, it had written: Senior Constable Peterson; 173. Bob lit all of the candles, then began screaming for as long as he could. It was after three minutes and forty six seconds that Bob finally ran out of breath, he was feeling incredibly dizzy and light headed when a figure, 2’ tall and 7’ wide appeared in a cloud of baby dolls. Bob gave a half hearted chuckle but passed out, hitting his head on a conveniently placed pillar.

Bob’s eyes flickered open. It had been three ours since he had passed out and, for reasons that he didn’t understand he had a massive headache. The floor also seemed to be covered in cherry cordial. ‘Weird’ Bob thought. ‘''Oh well, the cordial mystery can wait, for now, I need to speak with the god of chaos.’ ''Bob stood up and began looking around. The god couldn’t be seen anywhere. Suddenly, Bob was shocked by a loud bang in his ear, and confetti was everywhere. He turned around, and came face to face with the god of chaos. ‘''Of course, why did I think I could just find him until he did something to me.''’ The god stood at a tiny two feet in height, with a moustache that constantly twirled and twisted on its own. His head made up half of his height, and his body was a massive seven feet in diameter. His clothes included a bathrobe and one bunny slipper, on his hand.

‘Hello, Tharsox, nice to meet you again,’ Bob said, whilst tipping his hat.

‘Bob Bob Bob, good to see you again. Will you be staying for tea and shirts?’ The god suddenly lifted up a broken tea cup, which seemed to have a limitless amount of tea coming out of it, and a shirt which was wound around a fork. The god promptly ate all of these things, slurping the shirt up like spaghetti. Bob just stared ahead blankly, having expected some routine or another.

‘No, Tharsox, I can’t. I merely came here with the items I told you about, the armguards of strength. You said that you would be able to recharge them, make them as powerful as they once were.’

‘Hmm... did I? I honestly can’t recall.’ A lightbulb suddenly appeared over the head of the god, and fell on his head. ‘Oh, that. Yes well, I don’t want to do that anymore, go find another god to do it.’ Tharsox now did a twirl, (which given his disproportional measurements looked rather awkward) and disappeared, vanishing as if he had never been there.

‘Wait Tharsox! Please, what do you want me to do so that you will recharge the artefacts?’

‘Well I thought you’d never ask.’ Bob turned around, and there the god was, sitting in a bath and scrubbing his back. He stood and the bathtub disappeared, replaced with a desk and two chairs, one in front of it and one behind. The god sat down and adopted a serious demeanour. Bob’s body was gripped by a magical force and he was made to sit in the chair opposite the god.

‘Bob, as you no doubt know, I am the god of chaos, correct?’ Bob’s head was made to nod by the god.

‘And as the god of chaos, I need to make the universe just that little bit more unpredictable. Still with me here Bob?’ Again, the God made Bob nod.

‘So all I want you to do, so that I’ll recharge your little artefacts, is cause some confusion, some trouble, some chaos. Sound simple enough?’ The force holding Bob was released, and he nodded on his own.

‘I imagine that I could do something like that. I imagine you already have an idea as to how I am meant to accomplish this?’

‘Oh, it’s simple really. Nothing I think you wouldn’t be able to handle. All that you need to do, is go to Aquaris, up to Larry, and turn yourself in.’

Chapter 4: Bob Turns Himself In?
Larry is in his office, sitting at his desk, quietly thinking over the events of the events that passed on the day of the opening ceremony. ‘''Everything was going fine, right up until Bob stole the artefacts. Then I spoke to Wazyback, and he told me that Bob could potentially charge the armguards, and wreak havoc. Worse still, what if Bob finds the other artefacts. He would be able to charge them, and things would only get worse. All this thinking is starting to give me a headache.’ ''Larry removes his thinking cap, and puts it into his hat satchel. He walks over to the window. ‘Hmm, those clouds sure look ominous.’ Suddenly, there is a loud bang. Larry turns around, only to find Bob standing in his doorway, with the door lying at his feet.

‘Hello Larry, nice to see you. Sorry to say this, but it looks like your guards might be out of commission for a while. Really, having them attack me on sight was not a very nice thing to do.’

‘Maybe next time you should call ahead, you could have come in freely and my guards would still be alive. Still, I know you wouldn't risk coming here unless of course you had a very good reason. What may I ask is it?’

‘I have reformed Larry. I can see the that what I have done in the past is wrong.’

‘You killed six people coming up here.’

‘Seven, and that's beside the point. I wish to turn myself in.’ Larry was shocked. He had never imagined that Bob would ever actually do. One of his hearts actually gave out on him for a second. Then, Larry realised something.

‘You would never turn yourself in without some form of ulterior motive. I should attack you now, just so you can't do the same to me later.’

‘No, wait wait wait. Look, I'll deactivate my magic until you can get magical inhibitors on me.’ Bob went to click his fingers, but realised a little late that his fingers were too short to actually do so, so instead he clicked his tongue.

‘There, no danger from me. Could you hurry up though? I’d rather have the inhibitors on than my magic turned off completely.’ Larry could sense it, Bob had actually turned his magic off, and it would take several minutes for him to turn it back on, should he choose to try and do so.

‘Fine, gua- … I'll just get them myself.’ Larry cast a binding spell on -

The works of The Artifacts of Power have not progressed beyond this point